So far the two week wait is going swimmingly. It’s too early for me to go a bit nutty, this time next week I suspect the emotions will be a tad more erratic. I have however been quite irritable and I’m not entirely sure why? I don’t recall it being a symptom of the progesterone pessaries (don’t think I’ve written about those and believe me there are no words). I think the narkiness is just some inner sub-conscious thing going on. Needless to say I’ve been getting a bit annoyed with people, namely my husband. He’s been very understanding and appears to be keeping clear as much as possible. Very smart man he is. I had a mild run in yesterday with a waitress/customer service person during a pub lunch. It wasn’t anything quite as irrational as “newspaper man” but let’s just say my normal, don’t bite back and just smile sweetly attitude went out the window and we ended up having words. In my defence she had an attitude problem.
Today I’m feeling a tiny bit fragile and I can’t really explain it. I think the trouble I am having with all of this is that I want people to understand how it feels but unless you’ve actually experienced this business then there is no way you can truly understand. I hope that doesn’t sound overly dramatic and martyr. I sometimes feel as though I need to justify why this battle makes me feel so sad. The thing about infertility is that it isn’t a death sentence, yes there are people worse off, no it’s nothing like cancer – but the thing is my emotions are still real and when you are faced with the prospect of NEVER having a child it’s an indescribable feeling. I’m terrified that this whole business will make me into someone I’m not and I’m equally worried about losing friends over this.
Shit it’s shit.