Okay so this natural conception caper is just bullshit. I’ve pulled out all stops and called upon a cast of thousands to help me get pregnant. Whoever said it takes two to tango didn’t have fertility issues. In my case, I have so far enlisted the help of – husband (obviously most important person on the roll call), Kirsty, my gorgeous acupuncturist who is a friend and most definitely a shoulder to cry on. She sticks pins in me to calm me when I’m hysterical and feeds me a chemist’s supply of herbs and supplements all the while nodding while I carry on like a pork chop about all the smug pregnants who rub their bellies in my face. For the record I know that when I become pregnant I will automatically become a smug pregnant who rubs her own belly. Meanwhile there’s been the reiki healer, spiritual healer, the psychic and oh, the fertility specialist who would probably have me committed if he knew of the other “specialists” I’ve employed to get me with child.